![]() I don't think it's a proper meal without a pudding. Hopkins: (skittishly) Don't play with your food. Hopkins: I hope you're going to enjoy me this evening. (A waiter enters pushing a large serving dish with a semi-naked Hopkins sitting unconcernedly in it.) She: Ever since you've married me, Douglas, you've treated me like an albatross. I don't think it's a proper restaurant unless you have a proper menu and anyway I might be pregnant. She: No, we'd like to see the menu please. Would you care for a glass of blood? Oh what a giveaway. For, gentles all, beauty sits most closely to them it can construe. Prologue: Imagine not that these four walls contain the Mighty Owl of Thebes. (Enter prologue, long white Greek robes, long white beard, holding a large staff) You haven't seen my wife anywhere have you? They were beginning to play with themselves. We had to put most of the second form to sleep. Warner House beat Badger House for the Second Cuppa, remarkable. Headmaster: (Graham Chapman) Always were late weren't you Thompson? Head Waiter: I met my second wife at a second-wife-swapping party. ![]() He: Once I married someone who was beautiful, and young, and gay, and free. Head Waiter: (thinking) Do you know I still wet my bed? He: Sometimes Shirley I think you're almost human. (they both look at her pause) Oh I don't like that. She: Quite frankly I'm against people who give vent to their loquacity by extraneous bombastic circumlocution. or carve the living giblets from a sheep and serve them with the fresh brains, bowels, guts and spleen of a small rabbit. (small tic developing, getting carried away) or indeed drain the life blood from a pig before cutting off one of its legs. Head Waiter: Likewise if you were to ask us to slice the sides of a cow and serve it with small pieces of its liver. So if you were to come in here asking me to rip open a small defenseless chicken, so you could chew its skin and eat its intestines, then I'm afraid I'd have to ask you to leave. We're not only proud of that, we're smug about it. This is a vegetarian restaurant only, we serve no animal flesh of any kind. He: Please excuse my wife, she may not be very beautiful, and she may have no money, and she may be a little talentless, boring and dull, but on the other hand. I'm plain people and I'm proud of it, my mother's the salt of the earth, and I don't take the pill 'cos it's nasty. She: Quite frankly I'm against people who commit suicide, I don't like that sort of person at all. The head waiter will be along to abuse you in a few moments, and now if you'll excuse me I have to go and commit suicide. Waiter: (Terry Jones) That's all right sir, we get all sorts of lines in here. (the waiter grimaces) I'm sorry about that. She may appear to be rather nasty but underneath she has a heart of formica. He: (John Cleese) Er, please excuse my wife. Oh I don't think it's a proper restaurant unless they give you finger bowls. Oo is that a proper one? Oo it's not real. She: (Eric Idle) Ooh I don't like this, Ooh I don't like that. (Short animation, then cut to restaurant vestibule. (Same music, same speed, slightly longer.) ![]() Voice Over: There will now be a medium-sized intermission. Cut to the same sign saying: 'Intermission') (After this seven seconds of slightly speeded up Mantovani. Voice Over: There will now be a short intermission. (Cut to large animated sign saying: 'Intermission'.)
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